The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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