He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Randomize
