i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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