dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
