worst night to have a conscience
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize