She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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