i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
