okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she told me i tasted like america
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
