i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
