Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
