Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
