I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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