Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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