I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
