i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is wine microwaveable?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
