I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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