Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
