Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
