i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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