it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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