I am puke
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
