My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
