the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize