i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
