last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
