I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
