did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
