New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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