He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
