Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
