i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
