I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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