Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
