U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
