If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
