i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And then my night got REAL pukey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His nipple licking is glorious
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