I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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