Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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