before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
