If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
