An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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