we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
