oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
