You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
