my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
