is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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