I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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