Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
