i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
