can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
