So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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