so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at about main and main street
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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