final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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