I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
