Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
