Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
