I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
