dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
PANTIES FOUND
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
