so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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