I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
