2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
