I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This toilet bowl is my home.
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