its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
