Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
