If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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