she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
