I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
