marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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