Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
