I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
