And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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