Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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