They should really pass out barf bags in church
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
