I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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